Album Review: Weezer - 'Raditude'

My opinion of Weezer's recent endeavors is no secret, but if you don't remember and/or are too lazy to click those links, let's just say I believe Rivers Cuomo and Co. have absolutely tarnished what had been an otherwise impeccable legacy with the back-to-back-to-back releases of three absolutely dreadful albums. Yes, I'm foreshadowing.

Now I will say I attempted to have an open mind prior to listening to the band's latest full-length effort last weekend. Yes, the title is Raditude. Yes, the cover features a dog jumping. Yes, there are songs titled The Girl Got Hot and Can't Stop Partying. Yes, Lil Wayne is a featured guest. But I tried to ignore all these absolutely inane realities when I put on the album's first song and single, the overly-cleverly titled, (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To.

Hey... this ain't half bad. A rather simple bouncy acoustic number with a hell of a hook. Could it be? Have Weezer actually returned to form?

The following is what happened, again in my mind, during the nine songs that followed. Please, ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seat belts. And if there are kids in the room, well, just get them the hell out.

I'm Your Daddy: The title is awful, but again, the song isn't bad. Well, compared to Pork & Beans of course. And if you don't actually listen to the lyrics - "I would like to give a demonstration/Of what it is I do/I'll take you out to dinner at Palermo's/Spinach cheese fondu." Ok, maybe it's not actually good at all.

The Girl Got Hot: I'm Your Daddy, redux.

Can't Stop Partying: Oh. Dear. God. This. Quite. Possibly. Is. The. Worst. Song. I. Have. Ever. Heard. "Monday to Sunday I hit all the clubs /And everybody know me when I pull up/I got the real big posse with me, yeah I'm deep/And if u lookin for me I'm in vip" -- seriously Rivers? And you still consider yourself a professional musician? Oh... it is getting worse! Lil Wayne! My brain is starting to hurt... must... cover... ears!

Put Me Back Together: I'm still alive?

Tripping Down The Freeway: "No way, we ain't gonna break up"... I really wish you would Rivers. For the children's sake...

Love Is the Answer: I'm still not sure what is happening... did I really just hear Indian music?

Let It All Hang Out: You did a good job doing just that, eh?

In the Mall: I really want to go to the mall now. Thank God this is almost over.

I Don't Want to Let You Go: Sorry, Rivers, already did...

But wait... there are bonus tracks!

Get Me Some: "Right now, everything sucks." Yep, that sums it up perfectly.

Run Over By a Truck: Seriously? Too easy.

Jokes aside, perhaps all this would not be so bad if this was not Weezer we were talking about. The same Weezer that crafted four gems in a row, served as one of the greatest alternative bands for a good decade, and influenced countless of today's best acts. But for reasons still unknown, perhaps because like all of us do at some point and time, Rivers and Co. just got bored, and decided that quality wasn't as satisfying as an album titled Raditude and cover art featuring a jumping dog. Of course, they have every right to do that, just as I have every right to describe their latest full-length with words like "train wreck," "laughable" and "cringe-worthy" and can end this review, or whatever you want to call it (I do not really think you can review something that really is not an album) with the following...